


Pride's Chain

by Havani



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Birth, F/M, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-06-05 16:06:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6711889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Havani/pseuds/Havani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I will always be tied to him, no matter how far apart we are. The chains that bind us will never let us go free.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm editing this chapter to change from present tense to past--- the following chapters are a work in progress, bear with me!

_I look down at the bag of herbs the healer left behind as Cullen paces behind me. “What are we doing?” he asks. The cabin is small, and his path for needless pacing is short, so he comes to a stop next to the old fireplace we have not had time to light._

_I raise an eyebrow and glance over my shoulder. “We?”_

_“You know what I mean,” he tells me disapprovingly. “We cannot continue the search now, not with this---,” he stops talking and waves his hand at me, worry and confusion on his face. I can tell he is not comfortable with talking about it from the way he dances around the topic at hand. “With your condition, you can’t---.”_

_Standing up, I cross the room to stare out the window, the last rays of light coming in through the trees. “I’m pregnant, Cullen, not dead.” Slowly I turn around, still gripping the bag tightly in my hand and lean against the wall, hugging my body, and curse under my breath. “Fenedhis, how could I be so stupid?” My Keeper’s warnings of the dangers of “casual dalliances” echoes in my mind so loud that it begins to hurt._

_With a sigh, Cullen runs his fingers through his golden hair and sits down shaking his head. “In your defense, Endra, it does take two to…” A blush creeps up his neck from beneath the open chest of his tunic. “You know…”_

_I shake my head, “I can’t have a child right now,” I whisper to myself, then roll my eyes at how naïve and pitiful I sound. “Not that I have much choice,” I say louder, as I heave a great sigh._

_Cullen looks at me sadly and then nods to the bag, “You… you do have a choice Endra.”_

_Swallowing my need to cry, I look down at the bag and lift it to my nose sniffing and finding the scent of witherstalk and other nasty herbs. I look up at the ceiling as I throw it onto the table, as though the very touch burns me._

_“I can’t.” Wrapping one arm around my stomach, I hold the other hand to my lips as I try not to cry. Slowly I sink to the floor, unable to keep the tears back anymore. “Solas…” Soft footsteps move across the cabin’s creaking floors, and Cullen crouches in front of me, trying to comfort me as he sets a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t!” I hiss, knocking his hand away. I cry even more when I see the hurt look on his face, and I sob louder as I try to find the words for what I am feeling. “I’m sorry, I just, I just---.” My apology becomes more and more inarticulate as my voice is overcome with sorrowful hiccups and gasps as I struggle to breathe deeply. Silently, Cullen moves and sits next to me, wrapping a hard, muscular arm around my back and I lean into his chest, sobbing into his tunic. I clutch the rough fabric of his shirt. “Why? How could he just leave?”_

_Cullen’s fingers run through my short brown locks as I bury my face into his chest. “I don’t know Endra… I don’t know.”_

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Soon summer turned to fall, and then we made our way into winter. A sharp, cold breeze broke against my face as I opened the door, and Cullen trudged inside the cabin. His arms were full of firewood, his cloaked shoulders covered in white snow. He was still sturdy and well-muscled, but his beard was new, as were the long locks of golden blonde hair that brushed against his shoulders when it was not tied back. I closed the door behind him, while he walked over to the fireplace.

“Did you see anyone?” I asked.

Cullen crouched down and stirred the fire, adding more pieces of firewood here and there. “It’s coming down hard. They’re all snowed in,” he said as he stood and shrugged off his cloak. I held my hands out and hung it by the door for him. Turning around, I placed a hand behind my back for support and found him watching me. “The road to the village is buried in snow Endra.” His blue eyes focused on my stomach.

I glanced out the window. “The healer---.”

“By the time I get to the village and bring her back, it’ll be too late.”

With a sigh, I sat down at the table and covered my face, “I knew this was a bad idea.”

“This was the only cabin anyone would rent to us---.”

“Not that,” I said, cutting him off. I looked up at him as he closed his mouth. I shook my head. “Maybe the snow will melt before the baby comes,” I whispered, knowing that it was nothing but wishful thinking. I closed my eyes and looked down, resting my palm against the side of my belly when a small hand or foot pressed back. Taking a deep breath, I glanced across the room, to find Cullen staring back at me. “I should have sent you back to Skyhold. You shouldn’t have to---.”

“I wouldn’t have left even if you had ordered me,” he said, his gaze darkening.

I raised an eyebrow. “You are not a midwife, Cullen.”

“Neither are you, Inquisitor,” he pointed out. I blanched and turned to the side, remembering the times the Keeper had me help with births and miscarriages in the clan.

_I don’t want to go through that alone, but I don’t want Cullen to see me like that either._ _This whole thing is already shameful enough without a human watching me push and…_

Shaking my head I turned aside and rubbed my temples. Just thinking about it made me gag and want to cry. I cried a lot those days.

“This is not how I pictured… _this_ ,” I muttered, for lack of a better word. Dropping my hands behind me, I stood and went to the fireplace, taking the kettle off the hook. Turning around, I walked to the counter and pulled up two mugs and filled them until they were full of steaming hot tea.

_I detest the stuff…_

The cups clattered together as my hands shook and a soft voice echoed through my head. Setting the kettle aside, I turned around and handed Cullen his mug. He frowned but took it. Without a word I made my way over to the rocking chair. “What’s wrong? You’re pale.”

Shaking my head I took a sip of my tea. “Nothing.”

Cullen lowered his gaze. “Endra.”

Kicking my feet a little bit, I rocked the chair and peered out the window as fat snowflakes lazily make their way down to the ground. “Do you think he would care? If he knew, do you think he would come back?”

The commander sighed. “You know I can’t answer that. He’s the only one who knows what he would do---he’s the only one who knows the truth---or whatever is bouncing around in that head of his.”

I nodded my head and chuckled darkly. “You’re right, it’s a stupid thought.”

“If I... was in your position I'd want to know too. I didn’t say it was stupid.”

I looked across the room at him and shruged my shoulders. “But it is, isn’t it? It’s naïve to hope he would have stayed. I’m not a child I should know better.”

Cullen watched me, as I rocked in the chair, his eyes full of pity. “You’re hurt. You loved him, and he left, it’s not childish to want him back.”

“But if I couldn’t make Solas stay, how could an unwanted child be any more successful?” Cullen fell silent and I set my half-empty cup of tea aside. Supporting my back, I stood up and picked the cup up to take it over to the sink. I took Cullen’s as I walked by. Once my back was turned, he spoke up.

“You don’t want the child?”

My hands froze. Tears pricked my eyes and I look down, as my hands set the cups in the sink, then move to press against my stomach, as the truth and more tears slip through my facade. “Not like this,” I whisper. My heart clenches as the words hit my ears and I feel guilty. Reaching u,p I wipe my tears and turn around. “I don’t hate it,” I whisper, looking at him through blurry eyes, “I don’t hate my baby.”

“I know that,” he says, and I look down.

“I-I can’t do this--- I _can’t_ , Cullen. I can’t be a mother. I can’t care for it like I should.” I hold out my hands and look at the mark. “The Inquisition, Solas; everything is wrong--- none of it was supposed to happen this way.” I shake my head and hold my hand towards him as he tried to stand up. “I’m sorry,” I whisper as I run, as best I can with my distended stomach, out of the room, into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

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At some point, sleep found me, and I slipped into a dreamless, dark, and lonely sleep, but deep none the less. My body felt numb, and heavy as I opened my eyes and a twinge shot through my stomach. With a moan, I pulled the blankets tighter around me and turn onto my other side, and tried to go back asleep. I closed my eyes and rubbed small circles over my stomach as the baby kicked. Finally, I heaved a sigh and sat up, giving in to the babies demands, and swung my legs off the edge of the bed. I blinked my eyes and glanced out the window, the moonlight only beginning to come inside the room as it made its ascension into the night sky. I yawned as little feet bounced around inside me, and shook my head, “I don’t know what you want da’len, but I’m going back to---!” I started to lay back down when another sharp pain broke through me, and my body contracted of its volition.

My hands shook and I pulled back the blankets, setting my feet on the cold floor, so I could stand up. I began to pant as my chest tightened and I starete to panick. Adrenaline raced through my veins and without another moment to lose I move to the door and yank it open.

“Cullen?” I called. My voice was quiet, but the fear was plain and evident. I moved into the main room, soft red light glowing from the fireplace. Soft snores come from across the room, and I squinted my eyes to find him passed out in the rocking chair. I closed my eyes and bit my lips, fighting to stay calm. Shaking my head, I leaned against the doorway. _Just let him sleep_ , I told myself, _You aren’t even close yet._

A good 20 minutes later the pain returned for a short moment, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it just felt like light cramps. I crossed my fingers hoping it stays like that for as long as possible.

Then, like usual, my feet hurt. Wincing, I waddled back to my room and laid down, staring out the window. A cold shiver worked its way through my body, and I pulled a light blanket up to my chest, _You’re fine,_ I told myself, _This is fine, everything is going to be fine._ Shaking my head and groaning I sat up and rocked back and forth as another contraction ripped through me, moving into my lower back, and I did my best not to cry.  _Fenedhis, Solas, where are you?_ I punched the pillow next to me, as the need to yell became almost too much to bear.

Then I got mad.

 _You said you would tell me. How could you just leave? You didn’t even say goodbye--- did I mean nothing--- did we mean nothing?_ I was being selfish, I knew, and I tried not to be so angry, but as each contraction came back longer and closer together the more furious I became.

Finally, in the wee hours of the morning, I broke, and cried out in pain. The shrill sound echoed through the room, and I heard a thud in the next room, followed by a curse as Cullen tripped over something. I closed my eyes and leaned against the bedpost as he burs into the room.

“Endra?!” I glanced at him with tired eyes as he froze in the doorway.

"Cullen...."

He moved next to me as I turn back to press my forehead agains the bed post. “Maker why didn’t you wake me?”  I glanced at him from the corner of my eye.

“I wasn’t ready yet--- _Ah!”_ I lurched forward and braced myself as the most painful contraction yet ran through me.  Cullen’s hand tried to massage my back, but stopped him, my chest rising and falling sporadically. “Just let me work through it,” I mumble. Worried, he dropped his hands.

“What do I do?” he asked, eager to help. Raising my eyes, I licked my parched lips and told him the same line the Keeper would tell nervous fathers back in the Free Marches.

“Boil some water, and find towels, and a knife, and thread,” I hissed, hoping that his new to-do list would keep him busy long enough until I was finally ready to push. Nodding his head, he ran into the other room, and I heard the front door open as he ran out to fetch fresh water. Once he was gone, I sat down on the bed and held my stomach. “You’re almost here, da’vhenan,” I whispered. “Almost here…” Closing my eyes, I flipped back my head and moaned in pain.

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“Augggh!” I screamed as I spread my legs and pushed. My voice broke as I ran out of breath, and I fought not to collapse. Cullen ran into the room, a pot of water steaming in one hand, and a pile of towels in the other. He stopped and looked at me, spread wide and bare to all, but I didn’t care.

 _I just_ _want it out of me._

Finding his warrior’s composure, he set the things aside and sat next to me on the bed. He began to ask me questions, but I couldn't hear him over the sound of my voice as I started to push again, feeling as though I was being ripped apart.

Then he looked down. Through scrunched and teary eyes, I could see his face whiten, and his eyes grew wide. He looked back up at me, and I caught wind of something that, to my exhausted mental facilities, sounded vaguely like. “I can see the head!”

I bit back on my hateful desire to tell him that I didn't need to know he can see the head because I could feel it, like a dragon’s egg, huge between my cramping legs. Instead, I closed my eyes and grabbed his arm as I bore down again, the pressure building and building until I felt like I was going to explode.

With one last cry, I collapsed backward as I felt the pressure leave my body, and the loud wails of a newborn filled my ears. Exhausted, I could hardly move, but I managed to turn my head as Cullen took the child and laid it on my chest. “It’s a boy,” he murmured just as exhausted as I was. I couldn't say anything except stare at this thing on my chest, with a head full of black hair. I felt like I was frozen.

Filled with trepidation, my hands moved in slow motion until they rested on its back. It was at that first touch that my ice-covered heart shattered, and I wrapped my baby, my son in my arms. Hot tears fell down my cheeks, my sobs matching his yowls.

Soon, the babe’s cries quieted as he latched on to my breast and I looked up when Cullen returned from disposing of the afterbirth. With a sigh, he scratched his scalp and sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes meeting mine. “Thank you,” I whispered.

He shook his head and looked down.“For what? I didn’t do much---.”

“You were here,” I whispered. “You stayed.”

We smiled at one another, and he crossed his arms nodding to the infant asleep in my arms. “What will you name him?”

Reaching up, I pushed my hair behind my ear as I watched the child squirm in my embrace. “Solvas.”

I looked up again as Cullen raised an eyebrow. “Really? You’re going to name him after Solas?”

I shook my head. “Sol _vas_. In elvhen, Solas means Pride, and vas means chain or bondage. It’s untraditional, but it fits.” I leaned back and close my eyes for just a second, pressing my lips to Solvas' head. “Put them together and it’s Pride’s Chain.”


	2. Chapter 2

One and a half years later…

I let out a sigh as the maids unpack around me and a small child runs around the bedroom, sticking his hands into everything that is expensive or an antique, “Solvas!” I hiss as I pick him up and set a dark urn where he can’t get to it, “This isn’t Skyhold and that isn’t for you.” I nod to the maid and tell her where to set the last of the trunks.

Turning around she cocks her head, “Would you like me to take him, Inquisitor?” she looks at me with something akin to pity or maybe even amusement. I look at the little boy in my arms and shake my head.

“Maybe later? I won’t have a lot of time with him once the council begins tomorrow,” I say, and she nods her head and curtsies before leaving the room. Chuckling I plop down on the bed and lay back, letting Solvas lay on my chest. His little hands poke and prod at my face, trying to make their way up my nose and I turn away with a laugh. He giggles and I smile, staring up at him, memorizing his grey eyes, so different from my green ones. Reaching up I run my fingers through his soft black hair, “You have to behave da’len while mamae is gone,” I whisper. Slowly he rolls onto the bed and lays next to me and I sit up. _Can you even understand me_? I wonder as I peer down at him. “Do you know how much I love you?” I whisper, running my fingers over his baby soft cheeks.

Solvas’ answer comes in gurgles and spit bubbles and I sit up with a sigh, before turning around and tickling his sides with a dramatic, maniacal laugh. He tosses his head back, and squeals as I lean over him. Laughing with him, I stay there, keeping my worries at bay for as long as I possibly can.

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I walk silently down the hall with Solvas asleep on my shoulder doing my best to avoid the curious gazes of nobles and servants on the landing above. Quietly I turn and move inside a room filled with familiar faces and jovial voices. As soon as their eyes focus on me though, they all go quiet.

The door closes behind me and I look around the room, Cassandra, Josephine, Cullen, and all the others are watching me. With a smile on his face Dorian sidles up to me, and peers at Solvas’ sleeping face, “I have to say, motherhood looks good on you Endra.”

I roll my eyes, “I couldn’t find the maid, so I brought him with me.” I send up a silent prayer of thanks as Josie so kindly takes Solvas from me, and goes to sit by Blackwall. The rest of us gather in the center of the room, “You all know why we’re here.”

“Piss bucket nobles want to screw us up the pooch,” Sera mutters off to the side, and I sigh.

“Exactly what I was going to say,” I mumble. I turn back to the group and cross my arms, “I asked you all here because the Inquisition is just as much of your making as it is mine. You deserve to know what the plan is…”

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 _The next day_ …

I sit with my hands clasped on top of the table as Josie handles the Council. Cassandra, I mean Divine Victoris, sits in the center giving me a small nod of encouragement before we begin, “Thank you your holiness,” Josie begins, “Now Arl Teagan as to your concerns…”

The shemlen slams his hand on the table, and the entire room goes silent. “The Inquisition established and armed presence in Ferelden territory.” His gaze fell on me and I held it, not letting my body stiffen despite the glare he is so righteously bestowing on me, “You outright seized Caer Branoch in Crestwood!”

I take a deep breath and glance at Josephine before addressing the council, “Our goal was to keep more Ferelden citizens from dying, not to seize power.” I stare up at Teagan, “Will you really begrudge us of that?” I ask.

He shakes his head and leans forward, “Your help was appreciated two years ago, Inquisitor. Now order has been restored, but you remain. Invading under pretext of restoring order is the exactly what the Grey Wardens did to us centuries ago, and exiled them!” Looking down he lowers his voice a hair and clasps his leather gloved hands together, “Now the Inquisition is doing the same thing, with Grey Wardens in their ranks.”

I close my eyes for a second and clear my throat, _Is it wrong that I hate this job?_ Josie coughs next to me and I look up garnering the council’s attention as the Orlesian ambassador is cut off by Cassandra. Slowly, I stand to my feet and set my hands on the table, as Josephine set a large book on the table, “I meant to save this until the deliberations were completed, but I think I will go ahead and get this out of the way.” With a silent glare at Teagan I hold up the leather bound book, “You all know what this is. A writ from Divine Justinia authorizing the formation of the Inquisition. It wasn’t a formally authorized treaty that saved Ferelden’s people,” Shaking my head I drop the writ on the table with a thud, “And it wasn’t careful diplomacy that ended your _inane_ civil war--.”

Someone clears their throat right behind me and I turn around mid-sentence. A platinum blonde elf looks at me sheepishly, as the entire room focuses on the both of us, “Inquisitor, sister Leliana has asked to speak with you, in private.” I stare at her, at a loss for words, “It’s urgent,” she adds quietly. I glance over her shoulder at the back of the room, Leliana standing by the door, a worried look on her face. I grit my teeth and look at Josie.

“I’ll be back.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Fuck.”

I let out a sigh as I crouch down next to the body of a Qunari male, blood covering the white marble floor. Leliana moves next to me, a grave look on her face, “I thought you would want to see this.”

Shaking my head I stand up, “This is just what we need right now. A Qunari in full battle armor---.”

“How did he get into the Winter Palace?” the spymaster asked herself, staring at the body.

“So, what would the Left hand of the Divine see if she looked at this?” I ask, curiously. I look behind me, at the crowds gathered outside the door.

“He’s an Antam, badly wounded by magic, but the killing wounds come from a blade,” she shrugs her shoulders, “He was injured, separated from his allies, and made it here before he died.” Leliana shakes her head, “But I still have no idea how.”

Reaching up I dragged a hand down my face, “So much for boring politics,” I mutter.

“What should we do?”

Turning around I wave over a couple of guards, “Have Josephine handle the council, call for a recess or something, while I figure this out. Better keep it between us for now.”

She inclines her head as I turn for the door, “Should I have someone go with you, Dorian perhaps?”

I walk through the door, “I’m fine on my own.”

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Two guards follow behind me as we track the blood splatter on the floor up the marble steps. “What the---?” I squint as we enter a small room full of trunks and antiques and cloth covered furniture… _and an eluvian_? The guards behind me draw their swords as blue light fills the room and I hold my hand up, my fingers skimming the surface of the mirror, disappearing in the light.

“Inquisitor?” a guard calls behind me. Reaching over my shoulder I pull my staff over my head and hold up my fist.

“Stay here,” I order them, before I step into the light.

Soft, whisper-like sounds fill my ears as I enter the crossroads, and I hold up my hand as the light becomes brighter, and brighter, until finally my eyes adjust. It’s beautiful. Rocks and trees are covered in vibrant reds and greens, almost like the stained glass of Seralt. “I forgot all the colors,” I murmur. Pulling up my hood I turn around taking the scene in, a dull colored mirror in front of me, and another one, activated, up the pathway to my right. Quietly I jog over, following the rest of the blood trail, and look around before I step through.

The effect is instantaneous but it also seems to take forever. It’s an odd feeling, as though I am being yanked forward, while the rest of my body fights to stay behind. Air fills my lungs as I exit the mirror, transported to a dark hall, with torches lit down the length of it. Breaking off in a run, I head up the steps following the light at the end of the tunnel until I feel hot sunlight shining on my face. Holding up my arm I use it to block out the sun and take in my surroundings. Green fields, and blue water fill the valley I’m in, and I walk over to the handrail, and peer down at the lake. A large castle like building sits at its center. It’s like nothing I have ever seen before. Suddenly the ground shakes and a burst of green light fires out like a great ring on the opposite mountain. Warily I move down the steps, walking through smoke past two statues.

_Wait._

Eyes wide I peer up at the stone statues, that are more lifelike than anything else I’ve ever seen. _Some sort of spell?_ Determined I walk through the next mirror, unsure of what awaits me on the other side.

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The elven wraiths move around me, and I step forward unsure of what just happened. I can sense the Well of Sorrows in the back of my mind, feeling almost pleased that I listened to it. A chill runs down my back, but I shrug my shoulders and press onward. Running around the next corner I come to a stop as a greenish mural like the ones from the Temple of Mythal, draws my attention.

The mark on my hand sparks and I hold it up curiously. Without my consent magic sparks between my hand and the mural and images flash before my eyes.

_Men, women, and children flee through forests under the shining moon, as screams hound them, flanking them from behind. They move quickly, as some are dragged back by dark shadowy beasts until finally the night turns to day, and they are safe. Mountains, water, refuge… The People._

Shaking my head I leave the vision for a moment, until it pulls me back in and words fill my being.

_“Fen’Harel bids you welcome. Rest, knowing the Dread Wolf guards you and his people guard this valley. In this place, you are free. In trusting us, you will never be bound again.”_

“Ah!” I jump back as my hand is shocked and the mural dematerializes before my eyes, “What the---?” Another eluvian stands before me and I shake my head. “What is this place?” I step forward. _Fen’harel bids you welcome? That doesn’t make any sense! Why would they trust a beast?_

With a sigh I head through the next eluvian.

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I look around the room as Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine watch me warily, “We have a problem,” I say, still in full armor, having only just returned from the crossroads. I can feel my body swaying from left to right, and I’m exhausted from days of traipsing around the crossroads on my own.

“You didn’t find the source did you?” Leliana asks and I shake my head.

“I don’t know where they’re coming from, and I barely understand how the crossroads work. I was always a step behind them.”

Cullen sighs, and looks down, “Well at least you brought down the mine, that will cut them off from their lyrium supply, but this Vir Dithera? What did you find there?”

I shrug, “The Qunari have a leader, a… Viddasala?” Leliana nods knowing what I’m talking about and I continue, “She said something about agents of Fen’Harel and a Daarvaraad.” I look down at my hand as the mark shines without my approval, then I close it into a fist, “And she said my magic would destroy the world, so she basically wants to kill me.”

“Who doesn’t?” Josephine mutters and we all look at her with raised eyebrows. Blushing she gives a stiff cough, “Apologies…”

Cullen crossed his arms, “I assume you have a plan?”

“Just the usual. Show up unannounced, kill everyone, save the world, and retire in Rivain.”

“You should take the others with you,” Leliana says and I shake my head.

“My mark… It’s getting worse, like at the Conclave. I don’t want anyone around me when it finally goes haywire.” I glance at them and Cullen sighs.

“So, you’re going alone.”

“As soon as I have some food, and see Solvas?” I sigh, “Then yes, I’ll go back alone.” They stare at me as I walk out of the room without another word.

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The maid closes the door and I walk over to the crib, where Solvas lays on his back, passed out. His cheeks are rosy red and I reach down, with my right hand and caress them one last time.

“You’re so beautiful da’len. You’ll grow up so strong.” Biting my lip I let blue magic wrap around my fingers as I trace the outline of his sleeping face, “I love you so, so much da’vhenan. Remember that…” 

The door opens behind me and I glance over my shoulder as Cullen comes into the room. Quietly he walks over and stands beside me and we stare down into the crib, "He's grown so much," Cullen whispers, and I smile. 

Slowly I turn around, "Cullen... Thank you."

He looks down, "You say that too much."

"I don't say it enough," I whisper shaking my head. Reaching up I stand up on my toes and wrap my arms around him, and he stiffens, "You're a good friend, for a human," I whisper with a small smile. A soft rumble thunders through his chest.  Releasing him I turn back to Solvas. Reaching down I finger his little ears, "I have no right to ask, but I need you to promise me something."

"Anything."

"Keep him safe for me."


	4. Chapter 4

I can’t breathe. The tips of my fingers are numb, and blood drips from my mouth as I stumble out the other side of the Eluvian. Struggling to stand I bend over and cough, expelling the red liquid from my lips, and wipe my face on my sleeve as I look up.

“ _Hah!”_ A gasp breaks past my lips and I jump back as another statue greets me, the Qunari victim’s face a dreadful and terror filled snarl. Gaining my composure I limp and make my way through the garden of statues.

A voice I haven’t heard outside of my dreams these past two years, falls on my ears and I turn around, searching for him. I stop. “Ebasit Kata, Itwa-Ost.”

 _Solas._ Another voice yells and I look up, two figures standing in front of the biggest Eluvian I have seen all day. My heart threatens to leap out of my chest and I run up the steps, barely breathing.

“Maras Kata!”

“Your forces have failed, leave now and tell the Qunari to trouble me no further.”

Scrambling upwards, I catch a glimpse of his face as he turns around towards the mirror and I almost let out a yell to stop him but the Viddasala beats me to it, letting out a guttural scream as she raises her spear. I jump up and take aim, until her scream goes silent and she stands as still as stone.

 _Just like the others,_ I think imagining the Qunari statues I’ve come across, _How did he---?_

Stunned _,_ I stare wide eyed looking between his back and the woman that has just been impossibly petrified before my eyes. I don’t mean to call his name, but never the less it still slips past my lips like a cry for help, “Solas.” He turns around. His skin is paler, his eyes darker, and he looks more… he looks almost regal, so different from the man who would do anything to stay out of the spotlight when we were together. Lowering my bow, I take a step towards him, then turn to the right in what I can only assume is a fear and shock induced stupor. His eyes watch me curiously as I walk past him, and I stare at the Viddasala’s frozen statue, trying to compute what I’ve just seen. _How?_ I can hardly breathe and I hear him move behind me. Swallowing, I reach out to touch her, to see if this is real.

“Inquisitor.” My hand stops. His voice is soft, and I can feel my innards churn at the thought of what I am about to tell him, what I _have_ to tell him. It’s something I’ve wanted to say for over a year, but now I’m not sure I have the strength to do it. Part of me wishes there was a better time to say this, a better way to tell him.

 _Why does this hurt so much? Why do_ I _feel so guilty?_

“You…” I wrap my left arm around my stomach and press my right hand to my mouth, “You have a son,” I whisper, not sure if he can hear me. For once in the few short years that I’ve known him, he is silent and I twist around, dropping my hands as I glimpse his face. He actually looks like he’s the one who is in pain. “His name is---.”

“Solvas. I know,” he whispers back, and I turn back around to face the Qunari’s statue, unable to even look at him anymore.

It feels like I can’t breathe and I close my eyes as the last rays of sunlight disappear behind the mountain tops, “H-how? When?”

Solas sighs behind me, “This isn’t why I brought you here. Knowing will not make this any easier vhenan.”

“For you, or for me?” I turn around, stumbling a bit over the uneven ground, “How long have you known and kept yourself hidden from us?”

He stares at me, and I glare back. With a sour look, he opens his mouth and speaks as though he is summarizing one of Varric’s books, “I knew you were following me, or at least that you were doing your best to track me down.” I set my jaw and he continues to stare at me impassively, “I sent my spies to search for you when you and Cullen… disappeared. The healer’s daughter passed on that you were with child.” My gaze falls and I step back as he steps forward. “My spies paid the villagers for information, which they passed on to me. They told me when he was born, his name, and they told me about you---.” I hold my hand out for him to stop as I take another step away from him, only to stumble over the rocks beneath my feet as he comes closer, “Endra…”

“No!” I cry as I fall to the ground. He looks at me as though he is the one that is in pain, not me, as though he is the one whose heart is being torn apart. He takes another step and I shout, “Don’t--- _AH!”_ Green light covers my arm, and my head thrashes back as pain shoots through the left side of my body, building up until the pressure becomes too much and I am sure that I am going to explode.

Then it stops.

Tears run down my face and I look up as I clutch my wrist, to find grey eyes staring at me sadly, hopefully, and cautiously. “That should give us more time,” he murmurs and holds out his hand, offering to pull me up from the ground. I push it aside and stand on my own.

“Who are you?” I ask accusingly.

Solas narrows his eyes, “Don’t you know? There were plenty of clues Endra, you only had to follow them.”

I can feel the blood drain from my face, “Fen’Harel.” I look up and down his body, “Then Solas was only a fiction. None of it was real,” I spit as he shifts from one foot to the other.

He lifts his face, my words clearly barbed enough to sting, and he shakes his head, “I was Solas first, “Fen’Harel” came later… an insult I took as a badge of pride.”

“Ma harel lasa!” My hands close into fists and I lunge forward, swinging for his face. I let out a gasp as his eyes flash and an invisible force throws me back. I land on my side, hard, and groan.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he says behind me and I laugh darkly. Slowly I stand and hold my bruised side.

“We don’t always get what we want, do we _Dread Wolf_?”

I swear, he flinches as the name leaves my lips. I shake my head and turn away, starting for the steps, “Where are you going?” a calloused hand catches me by the elbow and drags me back.

“The hell away from you,” I shout over my shoulder.

Quickly he pulls me to a halt, “You don’t understand---.”

I glare at him, “How can you expect me to understand without knowing the truth? A truth which you have conveniently hid from me for years. I know nothing about you! Everything I know about you, me, and basically this entire fucking world has turned out to be a lie! If you had just told me---.”

“How could you understand then, if you clearly do not understand now? What would you have had me say, Endra?” Solas steps back and shakes his head, glancing out his feet as he waves his hand towards the sky, “My doubts were clearly founded---.”

“I loved you!” My voice rings out, echoing off the rocks and we stare at one another. I wet my lips and shake my head, tearing my eyes from his piercing gaze, “And you used me, Solas, you used those feelings and emotions against me. You just took my heart and destroyed it!”

“I did what I had to, to further my plans, but I never used your feelings _against_ you,” he murmurs, as he tilts up my face.

I stare up at him, “I trusted you,” I whisper and he bites the inside of his cheek, “I’m broken Solas… You took everything.”

“Ir abelas, vhenan,” I flinch as his palm rests against my cheek, “I never meant to hurt you.” The pad of his thumb moves across my cheek as he wipes away at my tears, “It was not supposed to happen this way.”

I look away from him and step back, and he drops his hand, “Tel abelas. What was supposed to happen? Why is the father of my child the embodiment of everything my people fear? If any part of what you say about not wanting to hurt me is true, you’ll give me the truth.” I wipe my eyes and glare at him, and he lowers his gaze. “No more games, Solas.” Slowly he turns and clasps his hands behind his back.

“The truth…” I watch as he stands next to the cliff overlooking the canyon and ruins I just ran through. “I sought to set my people free from slavery to teach them to unravel the lies they had been fed since birth.” Then he tells me everything. My head feels as though it is going to explode from all the information he flies through, _Mythal, the Evanuris, Fen’harel, the truth about Skyhold, the truth about Corypheus and the orb… nothing is what I thought it was…_ Finally he trails off, and I feel breathless again as I try to understand everything he’s just told me. With a grave expression he twists around, “What you know about the People would barely fit in your little finger.”

My eye twitches at his tone of voice and I bite back, “Whose fault is that again?” Solas flinches and turns away from me silently. With a sigh I walk up behind him, and bow my head leaning against the center of his back. His body stiffens but he doesn’t move and I stay there silently with my eyes closed.

“You’re right,” he whispers after a few minutes. I look up, his head tilted back as he stares at the sky. Slowly he turns around, “I wanted to tell you everything, it was always there beneath the surface, but I…” I stare into his grey eyes as he cups my face in his hands, “You deserve better than what I am. I am sorry, vhenan.”

My hands move on their own to clutch the silken fabric of his robes, and I turn and bury my face in his chest, “Why? Why did you leave? I needed you.” I squeeze my eyes shut as my arms snake around his waist, and he rests his chin atop my head wrapping me in his embrace.

“This world isn’t mine, no matter how much I might wish it was.”

Lips parted, I lean back and search his eyes as I finally begin to comprehend what he’s been telling me this entire time, “You’re bringing them back.” He just stares at me, and I slip out of his arms, “What aren’t you telling me?”

His eyes focused on the sky behind me, “If I succeed… This world will most likely perish.” He lowered his gaze and watched me sadly, “You won’t survive.”

My mouth drops and my eyes widen, “Why? Wh-What about Solvas--?”

“He is a child who never should have existed.” I cringe at how cold his voice is, until the weight of his words finally hits me.

“But he _does exist!”_ I yell, “He is real. Come back with me---.” He steps back and I step forward faster than he can flee, and I lift my hands and grab him by his cheeks, “Solas, vhenan, please you cannot do this,” I cry. He tries to shake me off, but I keep pulling him back, “Don’t do this, I beg of you, he’s your son!” After a few seconds of this, he reaches up and grabs me by the wrists, and pulls them to his chest, so that we are forced to look at each other. “Then stop this for me, please vhenan, this is all I will ever ask of you,” I shake my head as he lifts one hand and brushes back my hair, “Solas, var lath vir suledin.”

His eyes meet mine, “I wish it could vhenan.” Bending down his lips pressed against mine, and I close my eyes, leaning against him weakly, as tears continue to fall. Birds fly overhead as we kiss, and slowly we break apart. When he opens his eyes, I feel my heart cracking. Looking down at our hands he shakes his head, “I told you that this would be beyond your understanding. I will restore my people even if it means that this world must burn---,” His face grimaces and his words falter to nothing but a whisper, “Even if it means that you must die.” Closing his eyes he pushes me back and I fall to my knees. I hug my chest with one arm and brace myself on the other as I sob. Solas turns his back on me. “I take no pleasure in this Endra--- I don’t _want_ to do this.”

“Then don’t!” I sit back on my knees, and tilt my head back, “Once you do this, there is no turning back.”

“I know,” slowly he pivots and stares down at me, “I’ve walked the Din’anshiral for some time already, vhenan. I’ve known where this road leads for a long time now.”

Looking down, I press my hand against the ground and try to stand, only to cry out as the anchor flashes on my palm and pain fills me again. Crying out I fall to my knees, my vision consumed with green light. Eventually it fades and I can see Solas watch me as he crouches down. “The mark will eventually kill you. Drawing you here gave me the chance to save you… at least for now.”  Reaching out he cups my cheek, and I turn against his palm and close my eyes.

“You’re wrong about us, Solas,” I whisper.

“I would treasure the chance to be wrong again, my love.” I open my eyes as his hand pulls away.

“There’s no changing your mind, is there?” I stare at him as he looks at the ground choosing not to answer. Swallowing, I wipe my face, “Then if I live… I am going to stop you, no matter the cost.” His eyes snap up to meet mine and he stands up, his face pained.

“I know.” Reaching down he holds out his hand, “Give me your hand.” Without hesitating I do what he says and place my hand in his. He turns it over and lifts his other magic swirling around his arm, “I’m sorry.” His hand closes into a fist and the magic disapates, and the pain in my arm goes away. I stare at it, as my skin turns black, and green light eats away at the flesh. Then I look back up at Solas. He gives me one last solemn glance, before turning for the mirror, “Live well, vhenan, while time remains.”

Then he is gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus chapter!!!! Let me know what you think please!!!!!! :D


	5. Chapter 5

Years seem to pass as I lay on the cold ground, freezing water pooling around me. _I can’t feel… I can’t feel my arm… The sun is gone… Why is the sun gone?_ I try to dream but nothing comes, and I am alone. _Alone… he left me alone._

A soft tune plays and I turn my head towards the sound, as a child’s voice sings a sweet familiar melody.

_Elgara vallas, da’len_

_Melava soniar_

_Mala taren gravas_

_Ara ma’desen melar_

Figures move across my blurred vision, and I hear my voice join the child’s, weak and pitiful. A voice cries out, “There!” but I ignore it as I begin to sing along.

_Iras ma ghilas, da’len_

_Ara ma’nedan ashir_

_Dirthara lothlenan’as_

_Bal emma mala dir0_

_­­_ A distorted voice breaks into the song, and shadows form over me, _­_ “Maker, what did he do to her?” Strong arms move beneath me, and I begin to float slowly into the air.

Another voice adds to the chaos above me, “We can worry about that later. Get her up.” I open my eyes, basking in the warmth of whoever’s skin is touching mine. It is like a fiery brace around me. The stars above me blur and slowly my eyes close but the song endures.

_Tel'enfenum, da’len_

_IIassal ma ghilas_

_Ma garas mir renan_

_Ara ma’athlan vhenas_

_Ara ma’athlan vhenas_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

In darkness, I dream and I drift through my life. I see my clan, my mother right before she died giving birth to a sister I would never know. I see the Divine before the demons pull her into the abyss. I see Solas.

_“Quickly before more come through!”_

Green light envelopes me as I sift through one memory and then another and another, until I choose on to settle on, one I have visited frequently.

I remember…

_“Inquisitor, I’m sorry, please let me in!” Josephine cried from the other side of the door. My hands shook as I gripped Josephine’s letter alone at the bottom of the stairs leading up to my quarters. Tears began to form in the corners of my eyes, as I slid to the floor, leaning against the closed door behind me. Sobbing I read the crumpled letter, as Josephine continued to call me from outside the door._

_Ambassador Monilyet,_

_I regret to inform you that a contingent of soldiers… attacked Wycome and slew all the elves within… including all of the Dalish clan…_

_A choked cry caught in my throat as I threw the letter aside, and wrapped my arms around myself, my shoulders shaking from the hiccupping sobs escaping my chest. Josephine continued to call and I reached up, pressing my palms against my ears to block out her voice._

_“Go away!” I yell at her and she stopped. I heard her footsteps retreat from the door, and I buried my face in the crook of my elbow, continuing to cry. “It’s not fair,” I whispered as I heaved, “It’s not fair!” My hand flashed out like lightning and the letter beside my sparked and went up in flame. Black marks burnt themselves into the floor._

_Soft footsteps sounded outside the door again, and I turned around, “Go away!”_

_Silence filled the air for a second, “Vhenan.”_

_Startled I stood, and stared wide eyed at the door, “Solas?” I whispered, pressing my hand against the wood._

_He let out a sigh on the other side, “Endra, let me in.” With shaking hands, I reached up and undid the latch, but before I could open it, he pushed his way in. My shoulders shook as he closed the door behind him, his eyes staring at me sadly. I bit my lip as he moved forward, his hands rubbing up and down my arms, “Vhenan, I---.”_

_“They’re gone--- Everyone is gone!” Unable to hold it in anymore, I buried my face in his chest as he picked me up silently, hooking his arm behind my knees. I hugged his neck as he carried me up the steps, a sobbing mess in his embrace. Silently he sat down on the loveseat, and held me in his lap, his fingers rubbing my back as I sobbed. “It’s my fault,” I whispered, and Solas shifted, his right hand grasping my cheek, tilting my face up to look at him._

_“None of this is your fault. Don’t say that.” I sat up still crying and shook my head._

_“I killed them, none of this would have happened if I had just----.”_

_“Endra.” I stopped as he cupped my cheek. “You are not the one to blame emma lath.”_

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I’ve been awake a few hours, and they won’t let me leave the bed, no matter how much I try to argue. Cassandra, Dorian, Leliana, and Vivienne have all been here at some point or another. They promise that they’ll bring Solvas by as soon as things are more stable. What they really mean is when _I_ am more stable. The entire morning has been variants of changing moods, crying, screaming, and cursing. Eventually they all leave me alone.

Except one. Cullen moves forward from across the room until he’s sitting beside me on the bed, “Endra, what did he do to you?”

I’m sitting in bed staring at my arm, or at least what is left of it. My fingers draw over the stump. The skin is smooth, as though I had been born without the arm. I stare at it curiously. It doesn’t hurt, but I keep trying to reach for things only to knock them over and cry some more.

Shaking my head I lay down on my side, turning away from him, “Does it matter? The mark is gone. _Solas_ is gone.”

Cullen is quiet. They all know who Solas really is by now, they’ve pieced together from the small clues I let slip in my deliriousness. He knows what Solas plans to do.

Reaching down, Cullen sets a hand on my shoulder, “We’ll stop him, you figure something out---.” Sitting up I push him away from me.

“How do you not understand? I am nothing without that mark!” Cullen stares at me and I hold up my arm, “He took it, and now I am useless. I’m not the Inquisitor anymore. I’m just…” I look down as my shoulders begin to shake, “I’m nothing.”


	6. Chapter 6

How much would it piss ya'll off for me to continue this fic, but change to past tense? Let me know in the comments, and I'll get to planning the next part of this story. :)

**Author's Note:**

> I am not going to pretend that I know anything about syntax or how the elvhen language supposedly works for Solvas’ name but can we all just pretend that it is plausible? Please? Just this once? ;P


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